A Boat on the Side
2Sep/100

A Less Than Beautiful Mind

On re-reading the last post I am concerned by how much sex and smut there is. While I come from a country obsessed with humour based on bodily functions and unnatural acts, I want everyone to know that I’m not normally like this (thank goodness! – Annette.) Well not often anyway. Actually I used to enjoy Benny Hill’s disgusting, childish and derogatory shows and Billy Connolly’s foul-mouthed humour nearly reduced me to tears on occasion. Of course Australia’s own Dame Edna’s gloriously offensive innuendo is a delight but well, OK, I admit I’m as bad as anyone else. What’s more I have a confession to make – some of the entries were really disgusting and had to be deleted. Here are a few heavily censored ones.

Ground Tackle – name given to … ….. … appendages .. ……. …. derogatory .. ….. .. short …. .. …...

Kicking Strap – a … ……… leather …. …….. ….. .conservative politicians ……… ….. disgrace.

Rigging Screw – when …… ………. ….. ………… ratlines …… …… …. halyards ….. ……. ………. ….. dangerous in a seaway.

Running Backstays – …….. ………. … …… flexible …… ….. ……..  popular among ……… ……… athletic …. … ………. …. “Carrick bend.”

Sheepshank – a New Zealand …….. …. ………. ……. …….. divorced …. …….. …. ….. outlawed in 1957 … .. … …. ……… …. farmers.

And here are a few entries Annette missed – probably down to my “stream of consciousness” form of “handwriting.”

Astral Navigation – attempting to plot a course while listening to early Van Morrison tracks.

Awning – an unconsummated and unsatisfactory partial yawning requiring an immediate repeat attempt.

Full and Bye – two drunks endlessly bidding farewell to each other. Also used to describe the protracted departure of dinner guests culminating in much waving and tooting as they drive off.

Futtocks – fairies’ bottoms.

Rights of Way – the cheese maker’s charter.

Trapeze – a special lubricant formulated for easing rusty trap door hinges.

Tumblehome – what a circus acrobat does after the show.

Comments (0) Trackbacks (0)

No comments yet.


Leave a comment

No trackbacks yet.